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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A Million Sucky Things

Well, not really a million. But when I get a sinus headache it feels like it. Usually, I’m all sunshine and flowers, but today you’re going to see the dark side of Maria.

Let me offer you a random sampling of what’s been bugging me--performed in my best Chicago accent.

• If I hear one more person tell me he’s got a secret, but in the next breath says he can’t tell me what it is, I’m going to slug him. I mean, really. Is that nice? Shaddap or spill, already.

• I can’t be funny when I have a headache. This inevitably coincides with three promised guest posts where I absolutely, positively HAVE to be funny. If in the next few weeks you notice a lack of funny--remember this post and leave a 'pity' comment.

• Does every author have to have such a kick-ass cover just when my book is coming out? I’m dyin’ here.

• And what is with all the negative waves, Moriarty? Nobody wants to hear you whining about the unfair popularity of the romance genre, self publishing, e-books, sparkly vampires, and the fact that a push-up bra only works if you have something to push up. (Okay, maybe the sparkly vampires are getting old.)

• My husband has a clone. I’m sure of it. Lately, I’ve been reminding him of the promises he’s made on a honey-do list. Either he has amnesia or I’ve been talking to someone who looks just like him.

• I think I’m becoming a zombie. Parts of me keep falling off. Other parts freeze into unnatural positions. I’ve been going to physical therapy for two weeks now.

On each visit, this sadist my therapist tortures me by trying to break the adhesions between my muscles. On the first visit, he pushed so hard I nearly passed out. I am so not making that up. Ow!

Okay, I feel better for sharing. It’s your turn. What sucks the wind out of your sails?  


Dru said...

The daytime situation.

Dru said...

I hit enter too fast.

I hope you feel better soon.

Ellie said...

I know I shouldn't laugh but I'm sorry, I did. You are having a dark day!

You cover is awesome. Believe it. Sparkly vampires are so last year. And Mr. G has several clones. One moves his car keys and the other leaves all the cupboard doors open.

P.s. I have a secret. Just kidding!

Sarita said...

Just having a tough time in general now. Putting one foot in front of the other, though.

I hope you feel better soon.

I'm sure your cover is gorgeous. Don't look at the other covers.

Too funny about your husband and the honey-do list. I'm smiling. Thanks for that.

Hope your day is peaceful.

Maria Zannini said...

Dru: Bummer. I thought your daytime situation had improved.

Ellie: You HAD a secret. LOL. You already outted yourself. Otherwise, me and the dogs would've hopped a plane to the UK.

Sarita: That's the only way to do it. All we can do is trudge forward. It's better than standing still. Hope life improves for you soon.

Shirley Wells said...

I only came here to have a moan about push-up bras. I have a secret but I can't tell you what it is so I'll go away again.

Funny thing though, my husband has a clone too. I wondered if we've wandered into some kind of parallel universe?

Marianne Arkins said...

If I start, I won't stop. Most recently, as in ... five minutes ago ... I just pulled TEN ticks off my dog. TEN. I've found them crawling on me, too, and my DH has had a couple himself. Already.

Doesn't bode well for the season.

Hang in there!

Maria Zannini said...

Shirley: I am convinced husbands have cloning technology--but they're not telling us.

Marianne: Oh, no, not ticks. HATE them. Does your area have that deer tick that gives you Lyme disease? :shudders: Glad at least you've been finding them. Good luck!

Angela Felsted said...

I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it. I think everyone goes through this at times, hopefully your headaches will go away and you'll feel better.

Maria Zannini said...

Angela: Aw, it's nothing, really. It's all the storm fronts that have moved through the area that bring them on.

I usually don't get sinus headaches, so it gave me a chance to moan like a sick calf. :grin:

Darke Conteur said...

Okay, I'll start lighting candles and sending positive energy your way. :D

But I can't do anything about the Husband clone. You're on your own there. :P

Brenda Drake said...

LOL I think my husband has a clone too. Nothing ever gets done on the honey-do list. I'd say that not finding the time to write sucks the wind out of my sails lately. I have too many obligations recently that I'm letting my writing schedule slip. Hugs - I hope it all gets better soon! :D

Raelyn said...

I feel your pain on the storm fronts bringing headaches and whatnot :sigh: I hope you feel better soon.

How dare the husbands get cloning technology when CLEARLY we wives need it more!

Cathy in AK said...

I think the clone (or the amnesia) comes with the marriage license. There should be a change in the vows: "Do you promise to love, honor and cherrish, and pay attention when she talks to you? Perhaps even go so far as to write it down?"

I am also in agreement that your covers rock, so don't worry about cover envy.

Hope you're feeling better.

Krista D. Ball said...

"If I hear one more person tell me he’s got a secret, but in the next breath says he can’t tell me what it is, I’m going to slug him. I mean, really. Is that nice? Shaddap or spill, already."

I have a secret :D

*arms herself*

Sarah Ahiers (Falen) said...

people who whine all the time bring me down. I mean, i'm happy to listen every now and then, but every day? Yeah, no, you're killing my buzz

Linda Leszczuk said...

Wait a're usually all sunshine and what?

Number one sucky item on my list today - trying to mouse and type left handed because I can't use my right and working half lying down because I can't sit up.

Forget push up bras - I'm looking for a 'gather and hoist'.

Maria Zannini said...

Darke: When it comes to husbands, we're all on our own. ;-)

Brenda: Do you think husbands are unionized? They seem awfully organized in thwarting our honey do lists.

Raelyn: I so rarely get sinus headaches, but we've had such wicked weather this year that I think it ganged up on me.

FastBusa said...

If I only had the nerve to say something, guess I will have to just keep it a secret too.

MU, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha,

Maria Zannini said...

Cathy: Definitely. There's a conspiracy here and I think it goes deep.

Krista: You're forgiven. You let me in on your secret. Bwahahaha. :throws confetti: I know a secret. la lalala la

Linda: Okay, sunshine and cauliflower.
Ref: 'gather and hoist'
I hear ya. LOL!

Maria Zannini said...

FastBusa: Who let you in?

We have no secrets. I read minds, remember? xoxo

Barbara Ann Wright said...

I hope you feel better soon. Cranky you is still pretty funny. I hate people who are mean to make themselves feel better. They're the ones I want to punch. Maybe your therapist is one! Does your pain bring a smile to his face?

Stacy said...

I hope the headache goes away quickly. At least you have lots of folks here trying to fill in for you on the humor. But I hope you feel better soon because they sure aren't you.

Jenny Schwartz said...

Change sadists! um, therapists. Should it really hurt that much? I guess, sometimes, it does. So I can only offer genuine sympathy.

As for headaches, they are hideous. I suspect Americans never saw the old Scarecrow children's TV show called "Worzel Gummidge". He used to change his head. There are days I envy him!

Feel better soon :)

Oops, almost forgot my moan -- timezones. I hate hopping online and trying to get my brain up to speed in the mornings before the American East Coast goes beddy-byes. Ugh.

Angelina Rain said...

I hope you feel better. Secrets are overrated. The only good secret is Victoria’s Secret, and their push-up bras really push you up. Sparkly vampires are so last year! And hey, your husband isn’t the only clone out there. My husband is the evil twin of the man I dated and fell in love with.

Lindsay N. Currie said...

Okay, your post was hilarious (in a "I know exactly how you feel" way) but your comment on husbands being unionized was even funnier. Hope your week is going better:)

Maria Zannini said...

Barbara: Mean people suck. My mama always taught me if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Stacy: Aw, thanks. I need the encouragement today.

Jenny: It's a new style of treatment that works strictly with soft tissue damage. What's happened is that the fascia between my muscles have scarred and it makes it hard for the muscles to slide against each other. My therapist has to break up the scar tissue so I can regain movement.

Ref: time zones
Oh, I'll bet. I feel bad because there are people I talk to (like you) who are bright eyed and bushy tailed while I'm trying to keep my eyes open. :)

Angelina: Evil twin! Yes! There ain't no way it's the same man I married.

Lindsay: If I can just get past this next guest post, I will be home free.

Meghan Schuessler said...

The last 24-48 hrs have been HELL. A water pump blew in my basement apartmentt and the place smelled like sewage. I had to spend the night at my parents' house where I got NO sleep thanks to my dog, their cat, loud birds outside and a few other annoyances. A few hours ago I broke down crying b/c I had cupcakes & they somehow got wet & ruined and I really wanted them. I took an accounting test online & I think I did pretty bad on it. And I have my business math final tomorrow. The weekend can't come fast enough!!!!!

Meghan Schuessler said...

"had" as in bought (the cupcakes), not "had" as in ate (cuz if I had ate them, I wouldn't be upset lol). I should use more descriptive words lol =P

Mike Keyton said...

Maria, when you're cranky you're the funniest person I know.

Mind, having complained about other people withholding secrets from you, I think it was a bit underhand on your part divulging the hitherto shadowy organisation of World Of United Husbands Federation. Wouhf! for short.

Maria Zannini said...

Meghan: Your week has been far worse than mine. I can't think of anything worse than a flooded basement--other than a flooded attic. And ruined cupcakes are definitely a crying matter. Sending good Karma your way.

Mike: Ah, so I was right. I knew you guys had to be organized to be this clever.

Cate Masters said...

Oh man - that is sucky! Now I don't feel so bad. I hate it when life treats us like our own fictional characters and throws as much chaos and disaster at us as possible. Hope the therapy helps soon! Or try slugging the therapist, that might provide some relief, lol.

Maria Zannini said...

Cate: I'm going to give the therapist the benefit of the doubt and assume he's trying to help me. :)