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Monday, March 16, 2015

The Perfect Poker Face: Look Clueless

Greg often tells me that he would bankroll me if I played high stakes poker. I'm an aggressive player and intuitive, but my secret weapon is my face. Most people can't read it.

This is due to the fact that when I'm focused, I look confused, lost, and even shifty. Don't ask me why. Weird DNA, I guess.

I've had store security follow me around many times. Other times, people walk up to me to ask if I'm lost. So far no one's had to ask if I was taking my meds. Confused is the mild-mannered sister of crazy. No meds necessary.

In truth, I'm gloriously oblivious to anything that's not my main objective. I'm so focused, nothing deters me from my goal, even if I look like an idiot doing it. I'm like a pit bull on a cookie trail.

You might wonder that if I have such an unreadable face why Greg hasn't bankrolled me yet. Sadly, I have one serious flaw to winning millions. I can't gamble. Losing any amount of money mortifies me.

Back when we used to go to Louisiana to gamble on one of their river boats, I'd have a single twenty dollar bill. If I won anything, I'd tuck away the twenty and play with my winnings, but if I lost my seed money that was it for me. I'd sit outside on a deck chair and wait for Greg.

So I satisfy any gambling urges by playing with poker chips, where losing  only stings my pride and not my pocketbook.

Do you gamble? Are you good at it? I've always wanted to play someone as unreadable as me--just for grins--not money.

I'm in and out today, so I might be late answering comments.


30 comments:

Stacy McKitrick said...

Can't say I NEVER gamble, but I'm not a regular. In all the cruises the hubby and I have gone on, we only played the slots ONCE and then only spent $10. While in Vegas, we limited ourselves to spending $20 per hotel we walked through (slots only--don't play that heavy stuff, plus I have a LOUSY poker face). I hate losing, too, but we called it entertainment and made sure we had fun.

betty said...

My mom was like you when she would gamble. She had her seed money. If she lost it, she never went for more. She enjoyed the slots, but she knew her limits :)

I used to like to gamble in the old days when the slots would spill out the coins and you could hear them all over the casino. Now with the way they do it with cards, just lost that appeal.

betty

Mike Keyton said...

I do the lottery to give God a chance. Ref looking clueless I have that advantage but never a winning hand :)

Angela Brown said...

I'm the gambler who only stays at the slots. Get me on one of the machines where I can make the lights dance and play music, I'm a happy camper until my seed money is either cut in half or earned back.

As for a poker face, apparently, I don't have it. People say I look mean when I'm annoyed, angry when I'm focused and ready to spit nails when someone tries to patronize or talk down to me lol!

Lynn Viehl said...

I gamble for charity or dare stakes only, which usually involves poker or wagering on something, or chess in real life. One year I raised a couple thousand dollars for breast cancer research by winning charity stake games. I have also learned to be very cautious about dare stakes, too; I once had to dye my hair blonde after losing a poker game with three other authors. Now I only agree to milder humiliations like wearing pink all day or singing the Star Spangled Banner -- which I think is a punishment for everyone else; I'm tone deaf so you really never want to hear me sing. :)

I don't even think about trying to have a poker face, but I'm always having such fun when I play my kids say my smiley expression is constant, and therefore unreadable.

Sarah Ahiers said...

i don't gamble. I don't like the fact that the way you win is by lying as opposed to getting good cards. I just want to try to get good cards.

Barbara Ann Wright said...

I don't like to gamble at all. Like you, I think it's a waste of money.

Diane Carlisle said...

I do well with short handed games like 5 card draw or stud. It's when they start getting into the high stakes games that throws me off, like Jacks or better to open, trips to win, progressive pot, progressive hand. I be like f that, I'm out.

Diane Carlisle said...

I meant, progressive ante as well.

Jenny Schwartz said...

I'll buy a lotto ticket occasionally (a cheap one), but my gamble is my writing :)

B.E. Sanderson said...

I used to play online poker before the government decided it was illegal. I didn't do too bad, but nothing to get too excited about either. I could never play in person, though. I have no poker face. What I'm thinking is generally right there for the world to read.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

My husband likes the casino and we go on occasion. I believe it's all luck. My husband and boys play cards with chips sometimes. They have tons of fun and it doesn't hurt anyone.

Maria Zannini said...

Stacy: That's the way Greg looks at it. It's harder for me. My idea of entertainment is dinner and a show. ☺

Maria Zannini said...

Betty: Wow. I guess it's been a long time since I've been to the casino. I didn't know they changed the slots. I like the clatter of coins too.

Maria Zannini said...

Mike:
re: God
Lol. I wish I had said that. Brilliant!

Maria Zannini said...

Angela: We have the same problem. None of my facial expressions make sense. 😆

Maria Zannini said...

Lynn: That is so cool! I had no idea they did gambling as a charity event.

I would've liked to have seen you as a blonde. :) Though I can understand limiting bets to mild humiliation. I don't think I can handle being a blonde either.

Maria Zannini said...

Sarah: There is some skill to poker. It's not all bluff. I still think my skill is due more to luck, but apparently better players than me think I have a knack for it.

Maria Zannini said...

Barbara: I go strictly for Greg. No way would I play of my own accord. I can buy a lot of books with money. ☺

Maria Zannini said...

Diane: I'm not savvy with all the game types either. Straight poker is all I've ever tried. I don't have enough brain power for anything fancy.

Maria Zannini said...

Jenny: Not true, missy. I've read your books. That's a sure thing. ☺

Maria Zannini said...

BE: I've always thought I was readable, but apparently not. At least when I talk I'm plain speaking and perfectly readable.

Maria Zannini said...

Susan: For me, chips are the way to go. No hurt feelings or empty pocketbooks. Everyone has fun. It's more exciting when you have at least 4 or 5 people too.

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

I might be able to keep my face unreadable but my skin would give me away - I flush or turn red so easily. Sigh. No poker for me.

Maria Zannini said...

Madeline: I only blush if someone suggests strip poker. 😃

Maria Zannini said...

Madeline: I only blush if someone suggests strip poker. 😃

LD Masterson said...

Stan and I enjoy going to the local casino now and then. I like the table games that don't require fooling anyone (Three Card Poker, Let It Ride, etc.). No poker face at all. But we don't consider it gambling. We go with a certain amount of money that we fully expect to lose and have fun seeing how long we can play before it's gone. Kind of like playing pinball - how long can you keep playing on that one quarter.

Maria Zannini said...

Linda: I really don't like to gamble. Even lotteries make me feel immoral and decadent. LOL! But Greg likes it so I go along for support.

Raelyn Barclay said...

Ha! Living where I do I'd be in serious trouble if gambling was my thing.

That being said, That Man and I have had two gambling date nights (in the eight years we've lived here). Like you, we went in with our $20 each and played. Our most recent was also our most profitable. He netted $250 after his $20, buying us dinner and drinks. I went home with $220 after my $20. It's easy to see why people get addicted to it.

Maria Zannini said...

Raelyn: Yeah, I can imagine. I think it's best that I live too far away from any casino.