Canned Confidence

Gillette used to run a commercial for Dry deodorant and it always ended with the catchphrase: Never let them see you sweat. 

I should be their poster child.

I am probably the most insecure person you will ever meet. Everything scares me, or at least sends my anxiety meter off the chart. I worry about every little detail. And nobody loses sleep like I do when I'm trying to figure out a problem.

If you know me, I'm willing to bet that confession surprised you.

The only person who knows my living hell is Greg and he's been good about keeping my secret. I'm only telling you now because it troubles me when I see new writers agonize over a review or a beta-reader's critique.

Writers, both newbie and seasoned, are regularly beaten into a state of jellied insecurity. It makes me sad how easy it is to destroy our confidence. It happens to me two or three times a day.

But do I look downtrodden to you? Pfhht!

Confidence is a broad label. Some of it has to be innate. You have to draw from your well of tenacity, and if it's empty, it's a terrible drain on your well-being.

But a certain amount of confidence can be learned, or at least faked until your well has enough of a reserve to sustain you.

Remember that:

• Almost all attacks, rejections, or passive-aggressive rejoinders are SUBJECTIVE. They do not identify you. It's a manifestation of someone else's opinion--an opinion that could be mistaken, malicious or simply misinformed.

• Bad things, (and good things) don't last forever.

What can you do to improve your confidence?

• work on projects that create little building blocks of success

What good is waiting on that halo-wearing agent if you're still sitting on a book you wrote ten years ago? Try publishing in smaller markets or different venues, like nonfiction, short story, or flash fiction. Every little success adds to your self-esteem as a career writer.

• name your demon

In folklore, knowing the true name of someone gives you power. Start by naming your demon. What is it that scares you the most? What's the worst thing that can happen if you failed? Once you identify it, it won't scare you near as much as it did before.

• never let'em see you sweat

If something hurts me, I ignore it completely. I learned this in grade school. Bullies look for weakness. If you let them think something bothers you, you've already shown them the chink in your armor. By ignoring a rejection or a bad review, you've released yourself from insecurity's dominion.

• get proactive

I never sit still. If one door didn't open for me, I look for a window, a sun roof, a doggie door--I don't care. Give me a few sharp tools and I'll jimmy the lock.

I'm far from impervious. I have the same self-confidence issues everyone else has. But I've learned to take everything I hear with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila. (Your brand of devil-juice may vary.)

Wonderful reviews are good for the ego, but I never let them go to my head. And rejections might nick me, but I never let them get to my heart.

In a hundred years, what will it matter? I'll just be a footnote in a great grand-niece's family album. 

***

Homestead update 

No chicks yet. I might have lost the whole batch. If you follow me on Facebook, you know that ten days ago, I lost power for up to 24 hours. That incubator might've fallen to room temperature for too long.

I am a mass-murderer of grasshoppers.
I'm pretty sure I saw a wanted poster in one of their little nooks. A couple of scorpions and a snake were checking it out for the bounty money.