Circle of (Writing) Life
Several years ago I was on a writer's forum where there were several up and coming authors who are now big names in their genre. As they began to achieve success, one by one, they fell off the loop, no longer interested in contributing to the conversation.
Always having been more of a lurker than a participant, I took their disappearance in stride. Yet several group members blamed the loop itself for driving away their demigods. There was no one left to adulate.
If I sound snarky, it's meant that way. These authors didn't leave because the group didn't appreciate them. They left because it was no longer beneficial to them. They were tired of being the teachers to an endless cycle of newbies.
There was a lot of worshipful praise, and while some of the veterans basked in the boot-licking, what they really wanted was to rub shoulders with people who could do something for their career. Like: Big(ger) name authors. Editors. Publishers. People with clout and/or money.
It's a normal part of growth and change. We keep our friends, but our colleagues and peers change over the course of our careers. You might notice that the people who comment on your blog change through the years. Or your private circle of critique partners or confidantes expands or diminishes as you grow as an author.
It's not personal. It's business. And it's perfectly natural.
It's not personal. It's business. And it's perfectly natural.
You never see big name authors do blog hops and memes, primarily because they don't need that kind of visibility. They've already got an audience. And let's face it. In social situations, most of them prefer to hang with their own kind.
Like water, we find our own level. But every so often we overflow our banks and end up in a new body of water.
Sometimes I'm sad when an author, hitting the big time, cuts his ties with his old gang. But I remind myself, I was always a peer. A friend never leaves you--even if your tides don't roll up at the same beach anymore.
If you hit the big-time (movie deal and big money) who would you tell first? Or would you pass out from the excitement?
Comments
I agree about needing the contacts that help you. Sometimes you have to look for something different.
As for the moving on of folks... Hmm, I definitely agree that your company can/will change as you evolve your career. I think part of the forum/blog stuff is that when you aren't published or just starting out, that's equal to being part of your job.
If you're successful, a bigger part of your job is going to be writing more books and doing things publishers want you to do. So I get it.
However, I've seen quite a few authors literally forget where they come from. They build a platform on the backs of blogger-friends and then pretend they don't exist later on. Sometimes a simple note on the blog to say, "I love you guys but I'm really freaking busy" would be enough.
I'm certainly not famous, but even in my relatively short Web-presence run (3-4 years) I've left forums, switched blogging focus, etc. So I definitely think things change. I try not to worry too much about who isn't commenting anymore. But when someone who you've had consistent interaction with for a couple of years suddenly starts ignoring your Tweets and comments, I'd be lying to say it doesn't sting a little.
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EJ: I LOVE that you would tell your dogs first. Love it! I think mine would be the first to know too.
Ref forgetting your roots
I've seen that happen numerous times. Not a week goes by that I don't get a couple of emails from people who pretty much ignore me for months at a time, only to show up when they need a favor.
I don't expect people to keep in constant touch with me, but once in a while would be nice--and not just when you need something.
Everyone's idea of making it big is different. In a situation like this, money talks.
But blogging, writing groups, forums, etc. are like life - they're all part of the journey. I don't expect everyone I meet to be there forever. People come and go and if you're lucky, you meet a few people who become keepers. This is true whether you hit the big time or not. IMHO.
Sure, I'd like my novels to be made into crime fiction dramas but I don't want to be a part of it. Who would I tell first, probably my husband and kids and then of course my blogging buddies.
I've made friends through forums, message boards, blogs that have remained friends even after one of us left said forum. I can't imagine blaming the forum for people leaving. We're there for different reasons, we have different levels of growth/needs/wants, and sometimes life just gets in the way.
I've made friends though work, those I had more than a peer relationship with are still friends today. I have fond memories of the others :) Like you said, a normal part of growth and change.
A very interesting post Maria!
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Mike: I've found the same thing when I interview big name authors. The mid-listers can be a handful, but the big names are incredibly gracious.
PS I hope fame smacks you with a great big kiss. :)
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Linda: I have to admit when I started out, I was a little surprised at the fly-by-nighters. They seemed so friendly--and then woosh, they were gone.
PS You better put me high up on that list. I want to do some screaming from Texas. :)
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Raelyn: Ref: long term friends
This is probably another post in itself, but I've found that I pay no attention to the hand-wavers. It's the ones who say a few interesting things and then drift back who intrigue me and makes me want to befriend them. I am definitely not part of the coat-tail gang.
Like you, when I find someone I like, I hang on to them. I may not have a million friends, but I have a few very good friends. To me, those are worth far more.
I understand what you're saying. I have been a member of that same group for years, but haven't been very active since I moved to writing mystery instead of fantasy. Even more so, the discussions tend to be the same ones that were taking place five years ago. Or ten. You could go to the archives and almost pick a thread and jump in, and be current.
Also, many groups I've seen seem to be afraid to embrace the changes going on in the market. It is damn near taboo to discuss any kind of self publishing at OWW, and if you do, you risk igniting a war.
You and I didn't interact at OWW, but you have been exceptionally helpful to me as I have jumped into this muddle of self publishing. I have also found many other authors who reach out and try to help others. You took time to help me when I had nothing to offer in return, and I will not forget that. Thanks for all you've done to help a lot of people. I'll try to pay it forward.
As for your questions, I would pass out from shock. :D
Ref: ...not enough time for the same activities...
That would be true if some of the veterans stayed but since they all came in together, I found it curious that they all pretty much left together too.
Ref: discussions
Oh, heck yes. This is why I stay off the cyclical trending blog topics too. It's all been said before. It might feel original to a newbie, but it's old news to me.
Ref: taboo
Old habits die hard--especially among the SF community.
Ref: Thanks for all you've done to help a lot of people.
:o) I'm just paying forward too. A few people helped me when I had nothing to offer at the time.
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Darke: I've learned a lot from forums, most especially the personalities of the regulars. It's helped me choose some of my best friends--and the people I should stay away from. ;-)
Fat chance am hitting the big time anyway as no rich relatives in the family skeleton closet and do not play the lottery!
Maria a few good friends are totally worth keeping forever, beats those who only think of you when it is an emergency that is for sure.
-Jimmy
Seriously.
After coming to and verifying that I had indeed heard correctly, then I have a Chipmunk to tell first. Depending on her age, she may or may not fully grasp what it means. Then I have a handful of girlfriends, as in no more than 5 that I would tell. Author buddy-wise, I'd tell you, Will Greenway and Evelyn Palfrey, the three authors I've interacted with from the very beginning of getting serious about this writing gig.
Then, after the truth really sinks in, I've cried a few dozen times and I can type because I'm no longer shaking, I'd blog about it. I like what authors like Janice Hardy and Elana Johnson do. They blog and participate and pay their success forward. I would hope and pray I can find a way to do the same.
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Jimmy:
Ref: ...my two week's notice...
Oh, Bravo!! That would be a true pleasure.
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Angela: I'm such a paranoid person. I'd probably tell a dozen people privately before I let it out in public. I'd be too afraid the bubble would burst. I truly don't count my chickens before they're hatched.
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Dru: Yes! Always tell Mom. They're one of the few people who believe in us even when we have nothing to show for it. Good choice.
The other thing about successful authors leaving groups is that they get busier and have more demands on their time. Something has to give. Good post, Maria.
Bigger publishers likely make greater demands on authors' time, and there's only so much one can fit in a day. Hopefully they have a few friends they hang on to for the long haul.
I think part of the issue and why authors move on is as you start selling more and more (and I'd imagine if you really started to hit the big time like some of the authors you mentioned) needs change. The reality of publishing is pretty harsh. Unpubs and newer pubbed have this almost rose-colored glasses view. They (generalizing here but for the most part this has been my experience) don't want to hear anything bad. If a pub author happens to mention something going on that isn't particularly good, the others think she's complaining and can get upset. That pushes the author to go find somewhere else to talk with people who understand.
And you're right about peers vs. friends. I have many peers. Not so many friends. But I know those friends will be there through thick and thin. I've also been somewhat surprised based on what's been going on in my life recently to realize who's a peer vs. a friend.
I do find that I'm reluctant to participate in things that have no useful result for me. I do it anyway in the end because someone was there for me when it became old for them and I think it's only right I do the same. I think paying it forward is something we all should do.
As to your questions? Shit, who wouldn't I tell? First would be my parents though, because they've always stood behind everything I do, no matter how nuts they thought it was. And they did think this writing thing was pretty insane.
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Cate: These particular authors do. They hang with each other. It's a very closed circle.
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Melissa: I think that was part of it. They were answering the same questions over and over again, or trying to set the newbie straight for the umpteenth time. It gets old and it was time to hang with people closer to their level.
Ref: peer vs friend
Isn't that the truth? I'm rather careful who I let into my inner circle. Some confidences are not for public consumption.
If I got a big deal, I have two friends who I'd tell first. My critique partners.
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Barbara: Well, if you were that big, you might not have time to answer the comments on your blog. We would have to worship you from afar. :)
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Renee: I do what I can, if I can. It doesn't cost me anything to share my experience and it might be useful to someone else down the road. Like the blurb says in my "About This Blog": What is knowledge worth unless it is shared?
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LG: If it's comfortable to them, it doesn't surprise me that they still continue to chat. In the forum I was on, it was strictly a learning loop and the veterans got tired of teaching.
As other commenters have stated, there is a difference between forgetting your roots and naturally moving on to a different place. I know I'd want to drag my peers up with me, the writing group ones. The ones who work just as hard as I do but I got that lucky break first. I wouldn't forget or outgrow them. (I'm not actually in a writer's group at the moment but I was for years and will start looking for another one soon.)